barbie-on-barbie action

The cock has a big (sometimes very big) place in straight hardcore porn, even for consumers that might otherwise be homophobic. But there is also an entirely penis-free genre of explicit pornography conceived and produced for the hetero male: “Lesbian Porn.”

A misnomer, of course.

It’s impossible to say that *no* actual lesbians enjoy watching impoverished Czech girls lick one another’s assholes for money. Nor can one be sure that *none* of the impoverished Czech girls concerned get off on sex with other women. But on the whole, typical girl-on-girl porn (skinny barbies in high-heels, make-up, and lingerie; stuffing colorful toys up one another and pouting, etc.) is made by and for straight men.

Part of this is easy to explain: It’s fun to watch other people get naked and be sexual, whatever the genders and permutations. And sadly most straight male consumers don’t care what the on-screen talent actually wants in love or in life. But girl/girl porn, for certain men, has a special appeal. I suspect there are multiple, distinct, and overlapping reasons for this.

Girls going at it, as a subject, provides an emotional safety to the voyeur who wants to watch people have sex, but who would be freaked out by the presence of a naked man. Homophobia is probably part of it. But it is no doubt also due to insecurities not related to orientation. In other words, it may be better for some hard-core porn to be entirely voyeuristic, with no one on camera with whom the viewer can identify, compare himself, or mentally compete.

More benign is the simple fact that, to us more-or-less straight guys, women are just so darn pretty to look at. A tangle of female limbs... all that womanly flesh... a confusion of yummy mucus membranes. It is awfully nice. For this reason, much multiple-girl porn doesn’t really make any pretense that the women are pleasing another sexually; their various embraces and writhings are plainly just a composition of a basically hetero-erotic nature: female bodies and a male gaze. I personally can appreciate the erotic charge of a big hard cock, on its own or in the process of pressing into some lovely orifice. But there is a special energy to the female body, to its aesthetics. This is subjective of course, and I take it to be the very definition of male heterosexuality. Obviously, I am no homophobe... but female skin! A female bottom! Two female bottoms! It’s undeniably special.

As an extension of this: There are certain sexual activities that I love to both *do* and love to *watch*. I love putting my penis in a woman’s mouth, *and* I love watching another man put his penis in a woman’s mouth. But while I enjoy licking vaginas, assholes, and toes, I don’t get very much pleasure seeing a man doing these things. On the other hand, watching girls suck one another’s vaginas, toes, bottoms... Yes, I do enjoy that. As much as I find *cocks* attractive, and female *assholes* attractive... I find a man’s bristly jaw in the foreground of an analingus shot less so. I hope and sincerely believe that this is not residual homophobia, but I admit that I cannot be entirely sure. All I can say is this: That same bristly-jawed man is (under the right circumstances) welcome--encouraged even--to jerk off onto my face. But I don’t want to see pictures of men coming on one another’s faces. I don’t find it repulsive, just not very interesting... like watching a fetishist have sex with a pair of cotton underpants. It’s not gross; it’s just... I dunno... boring.

In conclusion... uh, I’m not sure I have a conclusion. I guess 1) I hope that those men who choose girl-girl porn because of homophobic fear can get past that. The anxiety-generating charge on the penis for them might transform, into something they can enjoy rather than fear. And 2) I wish we could find something else to call multiple-women porn other than “Lesbian porn,” which is just a stupid name for it.

Fake Tits

Can we please agree that fake tits are just awful awful awful? I don’t mean this as an expression of male guilt, of socially-conscious solidarity with women concerned about body image, objectification, etc. I don’t say this to prove my PC sensitive-guy bona-fides. I say this as a cock-in-hand porn consumer who finds the pneumatic breasts on skinny, studio-tanned, porn-stars to be sad, unattractive, erection-deflating, creepy, unnecessary. Please stop. Flat chests are fine. I can love flat chested girls. I can masturbate to pictures of flat-chested girls. Big mooshy breasts are fine too. Large perky breasts are great, when they are naturally so. But please, young women: Don’t think that anyone deserving of your attention likes those fake rigid unfeeling hemispheres packed under that taut skin. And I won’t even discuss the monstrous distended beachball-boobs, for which the surgeons should go in chains to re-education camps.

Maybe fake-tit revulsion does have a political component, even for me. I like to believe, or at least pretend, that the porn-people on camera are happy to be there, enjoying the sex and enjoying being watched. Hence my preference for amateur (or amateur-looking) porn. But part of enjoying sex means being comfortable with The Body in general, and one’s own body in particular. Anorexia and cosmetic surgery suggest, to me, a high likelihood of neurotic body-image problems. The impulse within such a woman to be a porn actress may not come from libido or exhibitionism, but from a confused impulse to win attention by effacing her own true nature, giving her body sexually to others in various ways.

In brief: I have a hard time imagining that a skinny, fake-tan, fake-tit, no-body-hair, porn-starlet is actually getting off, at all, on the sexual experience of being naked on camera, but is rather losing a battle with body-insecurity, in a very public place.

Obviously this does not apply to re-constructive surgery... although that too should be entirely optional.

Wherever it comes from, it’s a buzz-kill: Please stop with the bad fake tits.