Ace in Sugasm #67

Sugasm #67

Fri 23rd Feb, 07


The best of this weeks blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #68? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the linklist within a week and you’re all set.


This Week’s Picks

First Orgasm (http://deliciously-naughty.typepad.com)


“His thumbs begin to stroke my nipples, and I watched my breath, coming out in little puffs of air, quicken.”


It’s in the Genes (http://www.sex-kitten.net/home.html)

“I found old magazines disguised as photography and drawing magazines but were actually full of nude women and some men […]”


Why You Should Never Sit on Hotel Bedspreads (http://brooklynrake.blogspot.com)

We are looking for someone who can get a bit rough. Is that you?



Mr. Sugasm Himself

Why Porn’s Already Decided the Next Generation Video Format (http://sugarbank.com)


Editor’s Choice

Take Your Sick Fantasies to the Shrink (http://adelehaze.com)


More Sugasm

Join the Sugasm




Erotic Writing and Experiences

The Beginning (http://thebridgeofshame.blogspot.com)

Birthday Wishes (http://loladavid.wordpress.com)

The Black Widow - Erotic Poetry (http://eroticjournals.blogspot.com)

Correction: Instructive Desire (http://lumpesse.com)


Eclectic Slut part two (http://junohenry.wordpress.com)

Fair Play - Part I (http://lafillemariee.blogspot.com)

Hot and heavy (http://marriedexploits.blogspot.com)

A La Carte (http://confessions112.blogspot.com)

The Lilith Quotient, Part The First (http://udoj.wordpress.com)


More Interruptions (http://gentlygently.blogspot.com)

My Girlfriend the Stripper, part 4 (http://erotischism.blogspot.com)

The Sex Competition! (http://mandyseroticlife.blogspot.com


Sex & Politics

The Cop vs. The Stripper (http://www.radicalvixen.com/blog)


Morning After Malarky (http://www.jessicagoldharalson.com)


BDSM & Fetish

Escape into Darkness (http://blog.myspace.com/tit_elation)

The Golden Question (http://www.neongolden.com)

In Search of the Inner Lesbian (http://sweatshopsissy.wordpress.com)


Story: A Mystic Meeting (http://acestrokes.blogspot.com)


Sex News, Reviews and Interviews

Silicone Taffy Tickler Water Buddy Vibrator Review (http://stilettodiaries.blogspot.com)



NSFW Pics (& videos)


Happy HNT - Valentine’s thumbcuffs (http://darkside-journey.blogspot.com)


Lady Dalbin - On the Waterfront Part One (http://thebootcam.com)


Sexy Humor

Secret Reads: Skippy The Fluffy Fucker II (http://secretbrain.blogspot.com)

Uniform Fetish (http://spankingwriters.com/blog)

What If? Part 1 (http://principalquattrano.com/blog)




Sex Work

Danni’s pics and his crush on danika! (http://www.princessmorgan.net)



Thoughts on Sex and Relationships

10 Reasons to Masturbate (as if you needed any) (http://edinerotica.blogspot.com)

I Got Some Amazing Comments (http://wecouldbenaked.blogspot.com)


Of Floggers and Fire Escapes (http://talktovanessa.com)

Selfish (http://perverselypoly.blogspot.com)


Sex Blogging/Sex Writing

The Affair (http://blog.myspace.com/deannadahlsad)

The POD Stigma (Or Scratching the Self-Published Itch) (http://www.writingup.com/blog/dark_blue)



Thumbcuffs courtesy of Journey to the Darkside.

'Da Room

I just love the chatroom at LDW. I was thinking back today about all the great times I have had in the last few months there. It is the one place where I can go and hang with some cool cats who understand me, support me, and, usually, tease me. (Two kinds of teasing here... Both are best for ace if not overdone...)

I get an absolute rush when I log in to chat and find the Ms Kate is there zapping people with her electric fly swatter, causing mischief, and saving a seat for me next to her on the couch. I have a hard time not tripping over myself getting over there to her as fast as possible. (And last night she even shared her blanket with me and whispered my homework in my ear! Wooo wooo!)

Then there's the other mistresses that are so nice to me, and so much fun to hang around. It's a blast to get to know every one's individual personalities... Some aren't who you suspected at first. For example, I have discovered that Ms Sarah is an incredibly well read and intelligent blogger. Ms Tara has a thing for both thin mints and properly cooked shrimp. Ms Ava is a huge hockey fan. These are things you wouldn't normally know about your local Phone Fantasy Operator, but that's what makes the community at LDW so special.

Of course, there are other partners in crime who visit the chatrooms on a frequent basis. I won't start listing names, as the list would go on forever, but so often when I enter I am immediately greeted with phrases like, "Hey, Ace. Sorry, can't talk right now. I'm hanging over a giant vat of green paint and wearing a clown nose." What? What the hell did I just walk in to? I love it! So often I have to calm down because I burst out laughing within seconds of entering the chat. And, of course, since the antics have usually been going on for awhile, do you think I can get someone to explain what's going on? Fat chance! I just jump in and try to guess which of the opposing forces is going to be dishing out the smacks, and side with them.

There are a lot of great hosted chats there as well. I wish I was more available for them, as it's usually a good bet there will be many friends there. You can read more about them over at the chat website, but there are some great options for everyone, and more coming all the time. Even for the hosted chats I'm not able to attend, I have to give a big applause for those who host them... That extra time they give is such a gift, and it should be noted.

Lastly, a personal note. If you are new to the room, don't be afraid to say hello. If you are being genuine and kind, there are many of us who will welcome you and help you get acclimated. If you say hello and I don't answer, chances are I'm just not keeping up with the flow of the chat, so just try again. I don't intentionally ignore anyone. We are a big family. Occasionally we don't see eye to eye on something, there are lots of different varieties among our ranks, and everyone definitely has their favorite chatters. But there is room for all of us, so don't be afraid to jump right in. If you are respectful and sincere, you will find friends in 'Da Room.

Now, I gotta go find some beads for Ms Kate! Woo hoo! I love Mardi Gras!

It All Came Down to a Coin Flip....

Hi, everyone. Sorry I was sooooo weird and loopy yesterday, but thanks for your humor, teasing, and support.

I'm not sure what exactly led to my state yesterday, other than I have been working on a lot of things for Ms Kate, who is very near and dear to my heart, so I was thinking about her even more than usual. (If that's even possible. And it's not.) I do have to say, when she posts things like this on her blog, I sure have a hard time concentrating. I'm not saying she's to blame for my flustered condition, but... :) You know I luvs ya, Ms Kate. :)

Aaaanyway.... I got an IM from her last night, and it was apparent that she'd read my previous blog entry, in which I said I'd do anything for a chance to cum. Well, she had some smiles, told me that I could call her that night, and that she had something special planned. Of course, I knew then that this couldn't possibly bode well for ace, and I felt awful that I had even asked for such a thing so soon.

So I called, and she was sugary sweet as always, and she didn't say much about what she had planned, we just started in like it was a normal session. She worked me over good, I can tell you that much. I was to the point that I was feeling reaaaallly beggy and pleady, and that's when she reminded me about a post she wrote once when a guy said he'd "Do anything." Gulp. How did I forget about that one?

About this time, I start to get a bit worried. Worked up to a frenzy, yes, but worried. And that's when Miss Kate informed me that she had a quarter, and she was going to flip it and I had to choose heads or tails. Well, in honor of the picture on her blog that started me on this overly flustered path, I chose tails. She flipped the coin and said, "Hmmmmm...."

What? "Hmmmmmm?" What was it? What was it?

Sly Miss Kate had one last revelation for me... She was going to count to ten, and I had to stroke the whole time, and on the word "ten" she would either give me two seconds to cum, or tell me to take my hand away. I wasn't going to know which it was until I got to the very, very edge! That was torturous enough, but then she started counting, and I swear the numbers kept getting further and further apart! 1....2.........3....................4........................................5, etc. (This might have been in my head, but you can understand that, right?)

Finally she reached "ten," and announced that it was..... TAILS! I got a two second window and boy, did I ever jump right through it! My mind disappeared into subspace for a few moments and I relished the relief, then I was sure to give my mistress as many thank you's as I could muster out of my exhausted body.

I have decided to share this much detail with you all so you can understand what I mean when I tell you how beautiful and memorable a session can be with a mistress you truly connect to. There I was yesterday, knowing I had no right to be asking for an orgasm so soon, and Kate just took my hand and guided me. She taught me lessons in compassion, control, and self discovery.

If I had chosen incorrectly, I would still be frustrated right now, but at peace because I do truly value the importance of the goals we have set for me. Giving me a 50/50 chance was her way of saying, "This is still important, but you deserve a break from time to time." She knows my heart and soul are tender things, and she is always careful not to step on them while she guides me.

What an incredible way to kick of Valentine's Day. Thank you, My Lady.

P.S. And Happy Valentine's Day to all my dear friends here!

Desperate Times

I think I have been doing good under the thumb of my lovely mistress. We have been playing regularly for a few months now, had some really mind blowing calls. She is so connected to me that she knows instinctively when I should be getting some relief and when I should be holding back. I owe so much to her and her kind and caring treatment of me. We have such a blast when we talk, there are so many golden moments when we get to share a laugh, discuss where my training is going, talk about what we've just finished playing... It is not an exaggeration to say I consider my time with Kate to be the most valuable part of my week. I could not be happier.

Now, that being said, I must issue this proclamation to my beautiful, sexy, loving dominatrix...

Miss Kate.... I know it hasn't been that long, and I am not exactly sure why, but I am absolutely desperate to have an orgasm. I am counting the MINUTES until I can call you now. I am seeing you everywhere I go... At work, in my dreams, on TV... And it's all making it harder for me to hold back.

What I'm getting at is, even though I still trust you to decide when I cum, and it is probably not on our next call, I am going to tell you I will do anything you want to get to have an orgasm. Even now, long before we are to speak, I can feel the begging and pleading bubbling inside me.

What is it in the air that's making this time soooooooo much harder for me? I don't know, but I thought you might like the head's up... I'm in a desperate way.

Story: A Mystic Meeting

I'm a big fan of the "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" world. I guess I'm just attracted to powerful women. (Who'd have thunk it?) One of my favorite characters is Cordelia, played with scene-stealing zeal by the gorgeous Charisma Carpenter. (Pictured to your right.)

A few nights ago she was on an episode of another television fantasy show wearing this ensemble, and I melted. Not just because I think she's one of the most beautiful actresses out there and not just because the costume is so skimpy and sexy. I was thinking about what my beautiful Mistress Kate would look like wearing this very outfit during one of our very hot sessions. In fact, I believe I would use the word "yummy". So of course, being in orgasm denial as I usually am these days, my mind started wandering and I had a very enjoyable/frustrating dream that night.

So here is a story/script, inspired by and dedicated to my wonderful and beautiful princess. Leave it to her to jump start my blog back into life.

Mystic Meeting

Hello, there. Are you lost? I don't see many men roaming these woods after dark. You must not be from around here.

Why? Well, that's not important, honey. What's important is that you're here now. Why don't you come closer so I can see you better. Come on, now. Don't be shy.

Mmmmm... That's much better. When I talk to a man, I like to be able to look deep into his eyes, just like this. I don't know if it's the chilly night air or the full moon glowing above us, but I just get chills standing here, close to you. So close that I can feel the heat of your body, your scent, your aura.

Do you like it when I run my hands across your chest... ? Your strong arms...? What if I put my hands on your waist and pulls you close to me like this? Mmmmm... That feels really good, doesn't it? Yeah, I agree. Don't you just love feeling my breasts push up against you, my hot breath on your collarbone, my hands reaching around and grabbing your ass.... Keep looking deep into my eyes..

Mmmmm... Standing here this close to you, I can feel you getting hard. Do you find me attractive? Desirable? Look deep into my eyes and tell me.

That's a good boy. I like that. I'm getting so hot, you are such a sexy, powerful looking man. Mmmmm. Why don't you take that shirt off. Keep looking into my eyes, but let me see that bare chest. Nice, very nice. Now the pants. That's right, I said take off those pants. Oh, I can see that cock bulging to get out through your boxers. I bet you would love to take it out, wouldn't you? Look into my eyes and ask to...

*giggle* Well, since you asked so nicely, I think you should. Take of your boxers and let me see that cock. Very, very nice. Look at him, he's all angry and hard. Look at it bob up and down. No, no... Don't you touch it. Just put your hands to your sides and look in my eyes, and let me enjoy it.

Do you like it when I rub the head lightly, like this? If I twist it nice and slow and light, just like this, I think I can get you even harder than you already were. Feel the blood rushing into your penis, making it stiff, and tight, and hard... Feel my fingers rub lightly under the head, tickling that most sensitive of spots. *giggles* Look at that cock bounce every time I tickle under the head... You must like that alot. I'll have to remember that.

I looove to grab cocks with my whole hand like this, and stroke soooo slowly dooooown all the way to the bottom of your shaft, then uuuup until I almost get to the head, then dooooown and uuuuuup and dooooown and uuuuuuup and doooooooooooown and up...

What's that? You want me to stroke all the way over the head? Oooooh, my poor baby... You want me to do that because it makes you spurt, and I'm not done playing with you yet. You just keep looking into my eyes while I keep stroking the base dooooooown and uuuuuuuuup and dooooooooown and uuuuuuuuup and down and up and down and uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup.

*giggles* Sweetie, why are you grunting? Is it feeling too good? Does it help if I reach down like this with my other hand and massage your balls? Oooh, that just makes you groan more, doesn't it? This is torture for you isn't it? Just hang in there a little longer, baby. I'm going to start stroking over the head now, a bit firmer and faster, but I don't want you to cum yet, okay? Look into my eyes and promise me you won't cum unless I say so, okay?

Do it! Say it!

Good boy. Now, let's get that cock worked up really nice. Here I go, up and down, and up with a twist and down, and up and down... Stroking... Pushing you closer to that sweet release... Stop moving your hips baby, just let me do the work. Keep your hands at your sides... Stroking.... Stroking.... Keep looking into my eyes... Relax, let your world just fade away until there's nothing left but my eyes and the sensations I'm giving your penis.... Stroking faster and faster, harder, pumping you niiice and hard....

Oooh, what's that? You need to cum? Are you sure? Can't you just hold out a little longer while I pump and stroke and work your cock? Don't you think you could keep that cummies inside for my while I massage your balls and stare into your eyes and beat that cock just a few more minutes? Look into my eyes... Feel me bringing you to the brink... Everything else is fading away... Focus on your feelings... Do you need to cum, honey? Are you about to lose it?

Mmmmm... Such sweet begging, I love it. I think I've got you worked up quite enough, now. So here's the deal... I'm going to keep stroking you hard and fast like this, and when you are on the very, very brink of cumming, I want you to look deep into my eyes and tell me I own your cock. Got that? If you want to cum, if you don't want me to stop stroking, just say "You own my cock!" Got it? Good boy.

You ready? You need to cum? Say it, then! Look into my eyes and say it!

Mmmmmm... Good boy. But I'm sorry, I'm afraid it just doesn't work that way. You're not going to cum tonight. In fact, it is going to be a very long time before you do. You see, I'm not your average girl. I'm a forest spirit, and in order to keep my beautiful, youthful appearance I have to steal one year of orgasms from an unsuspecting man. I know, I know, it's not fair... I... Oh, what's that? Oh, sorry, I forgot to stop pumping you. I bet you're going insane from the stimulation, not being able to cum and all. *giggle*

Well, anyway, in order for me to steal one year of orgasms, the man must relinquish ownership of his cock to me. And, since I also have a few hypnotic powers of my own, I'm usually able to persuade some unlucky soul to say what I need him to. Just as I did to you tonight.

I will disappear now until one year from tonight. Then, if you come back to this same spot, and if I should happen to find a new victim, I will lift the curse and let you return to your normal life. If not, though, it'll be one more year until you get another chance.

And while you are under my spell, you'll be able to get hard, get excited, get full, heavy balls and a red, angry erection whenever the mood hits. But you won't be able to orgasm... Absolutely no release, no relief... *giggle* no cummies.

See you in one year, honey.

"Do Not Use On or Around Mucous Membranes"

I think that's about as close as any shampoo, cream or other cosmetic product warning label will get to coming right out and saying: "Don't use this product as a jackoff lube!"

But how can they expect young, experimental masturbators to interpret that kind of talk-around-the-subject talk?

Mr Ally asked me the other day if I had posted about his "Herbal Essence Tragedy" on my blog yet. And indeed I haven't yet! The story sort of tells itself without telling, but here goes:

As a young masturbator, Mr Ally experimented with many food items, household objects, and slippery substances in his quest for the perfect jackoff assistant (which turns out 25 years later to be ME, but that's another story...) One day, he sees the Herbal Essence ("the green kind", he says), in the shower. Naked penis + privacy of the shower + slippery shampoo = perfect opportunity for masturbation!

Not so faaaaaast...

Long story short, this innocent attempt at a quickie orgasm turns into a weeks-long affliction with a red, scaly, flakey, peeling penis.

Not sexy.

"Did you tell your mom? Did you go to the doctor?"

"No way!" he says. "I didn't want them to know that I was masturbating!"

Poor little Mr Ally! So he dealt alone with the fear that he would wake up one of those frigtening days during the Herbal Essence affliction and his poor little penis would have sloughed off during his sleep.

Fortunately for both of us, that didn't happen.

But he asked that I give the warning to the young masturbators of the world, and so, I have.

Jimmy Dean...JAMES DEAN...

I go through periods when I eat the same food for every meal, every day, for a few weeks. We're presently in a "turkey chili period".

Mr Ally and I talked about the different ground meats that could be added to chili, for variety. I suggested ground pork. He said, "I fucked a Jimmy Dean sausage before".

Now why am I not surprised?

He said, he cut a "vagina size" slit at the top, scooped out a bit to accomodate the post-insertion displacement, and then fucked away.

I asked, did you just lay on your back and stick your dick in and start jacking?

He said no, he slid it in and held it still and started humping. For reality's sake.

So how many of you have similiarly greasy confessions?

Mutual Masturbatrix

Here's a Masturbation Interview with Sabrina, Webmistress of Sabrina in Stockings

Sabrina had some insightful and interesting (and sexy!) things to say about her experiences with male masturbation.

A New Masturbation Interview...

From "Interview with a *Cool* Masturbator" - a Masturbation Interview featuring Ms Veronica and "Cool":


Ms Veronica: How many times do you hold back and repeat, would you say? And how long does it take until you reach that point where you can't take anymore?

Cools: If I'm alone, I can have about 7 or 8 non-ejaculation orgasms before I finally must cum. It takes me about 45 minutes to an hour. But when I've had women watch me (I've had 3 women watch me do this before at the same time), it's much more kinky to me and the turn on is much greater. In that case, I lasted about an hour and a half.

Cools: I find when women tease and make fun of me when I masturbate in front of them it's very kinky.

Ms Veronica: What is it about women watching you masturbate, teasing you, that makes the whole experience more of a turn on for you?

Cools: I think it's about loosing control. It's just amazing. The best is when I ejaculate and can't help but thrust in mid air or let out a little whine or some un-masculine noise because my orgasm is so great. Loosing control in front of them, especially when they just laugh and giggle because they've seen me put so much effort into it.

Ms Veronica: In other words, you want your orgasm, your loose of control to be seen; witnessed....


Click here to read the rest of the interview - WARNING - Adult Content

My Interview and an Update

A couple of weeks ago I did an interview with the lovely Ms Ava for her Verbal Penetrations blog. If you haven't checked out her blog, I suggest you do so! It's a lot of fun and very informative as well.

Also, it looks like one of my webteases got nominated for January's tease of the month. If any of you feel like throwing a brutha some love (I'm not cool enough to say that...), check it out here.

Masturbatrix Hannah

Email hannah@voxerotic.com if you'd like to be interviewed for The Masturbation Interviews - you can also email Veronica, Ava, Elizabeth or me. Thanks!

"Us" vs "Them"

I received a call on the dispatch line, and while I was in the process of processing his billing information before I transferred him to Ms Lilah, it came up that he had been caught jerking off in a tanning salon, by the girl who runs the place. I didn't want to tie up the dispatch line while I got the details of this story, and since it was the end of my shift, I invited myself to participate in his call with Lilah so I could hear the rest of it.

Now, being that we are Cock Controllers and most of the people who call us are of like minds, I was very surprised, when I asked him if he found it arousing to get caught, he said "No! It was very embarrassing!"

I then asked if he'd thought about the incident again later, and even though it was embarrassing, did he jack off to the memory?

I am accustomed to chatting with men who would find this experience extremely erotic.

But this guy says "NOOOOO Not at all, I want to forget that ever happened, it didn't turn me on."

Which is so foreign an idea to me!

I guess we all spend so much time with people who think the way we do about such situations - in fantasy and in reality - that I forget there are guys out there for whom such a situation WOULD be completely not erotic, and totally embarrassing.

Interesting!

Interview with a Masturbatrix

Click Here to read Ms Ava's Interview with MWK, a teasing Masturbatrix

Ms MWK shares intimate details about her own masturbation habits.

Ms Ava Conducts an Interview with a Masturbator

Here's the second in what will definitely be a large number of Masturbation Interviews. This one was conducted by Ms Ava:

Click Here to Read the Masturbation Interview

If you would like to be interviewed, you can contact sexy_msava (at) yahoo.com, or veronica_seduces_you *at* yahoo.com or mselizabeth #at# pleaseyourmistress.com

Or you can contact me at the address on my profile :)

Ally
The Masturbatrix

CFNM Anyone?

Have you ever heard of CFNM?

At least once a week I am asked what that acronym stands for.

You're probably into it, at least a little bit, and you don't even know it.

So think about this - when you fantasize about being watched while you masturbate, do you picture the woman (or women) in your fantasy naked along with you? Or do you picture them clothed?

Please post in the comments. I want to know if this more typically a D/s - femdom type fantasy, or if there are masturbators who consider themselves pretty vanilla except for the fact that they like to be watched while they masturbate in front of a clothed woman, or a group of clothed women.

From the results of my poll on my website, it seems that most guys "over there" are into it.

But you know what pervs those guys are hahaha

Leave me a comment and let me know your take on CFNM.

Ally
Madame Masturbatrix

A Non-US Wanker Writes on Masturbation and Shame

If you're familiar with my "other" sites, you may have picked up on the fact that there are elements of erotic humiliation throughout. The Mindful Wanker writes the following on his blog today, addressing the subject of shame and masturbation. I *highly* recommend reading the entire article, especially if you're a masturbator who finds humiliation arousing, and you're puzzled as to why:

Dirty nasty sex can be fun. For example, I'm obviously fascinated by masturbation, my own and other peoples', and there's no doubt that a part of what makes wankery--especially talking about it, watching or being watched--so exciting is that doing so can feel naughty and subversive.

But Water's remarks imply that sex without shame would necessarily be less fun--would lack the edge that shame gives it--and I'm not sure that's true. Shame, power, control, humiliation, are all ingredients that can make for a very sexy recipe. But let me suggest that these should be voluntarily added, a choice, like wearing a fur teddy or not, like deciding to play "prison shower," or not. There are other possibilities....


What a Shame - Read the rest of the post here

I'd like to see some comments about this article. I've often wondered myself, why so many (INCLUDING myself) find humiliation to be quite erotic.

Maybe it's just because we're American, if this writer's thoughts are accurate!

But the subject asks for deeper observation. Let's discuss.

Ally

NEW Masturbation Interviews

Watch for two new Masturbation Interviews to be posted within the next day or two, one featuring MWK, an experienced Masturbatrix and Cocktease, and one with an experienced and talented masturbator...The Interview Madame told me that she *thought* he might be masturbating DURING the interview...I advised, as long as it didn't interfere with his typing, then a bit of interview-masturbation should be allowed.

Watch for those to be posted by this weekend on The Masturbation Interviews

What a Shame


What words does good sex bring to mind? Luscious, hot, beautiful, exciting... those are good words! But what about wicked, nasty, dirty... are those on your list of sex words? And isn't that interesting? Because those are not nice words.

I think it was perv-auteur film director John Waters who thanked his uptight conservative parents for his strict Catholic upbringing, because it made sex illicit, sinful, shameful... and therefore more fun.

Dirty nasty sex can be fun. For example, I'm obviously fascinated by masturbation, my own and other peoples', and there's no doubt that a part of what makes wankery--especially talking about it, watching or being watched--so exciting is that doing so can feel naughty and subversive.

But Water's remarks imply that sex without shame would necessarily be less fun--would lack the edge that shame gives it--and I'm not sure that's true. Shame, power, control, humiliation, are all ingredients that can make for a very sexy recipe. But let me suggest that these should be voluntarily added, a choice, like wearing a fur teddy or not, like deciding to play "prison shower," or not. There are other possibilities.

For a lot of people (especially Americans and others with puritanical backgrounds and families) the notion that sex is inherently shameful is so deeply imbedded in their psyches that they can't see it any other way. Not only is sex then shameful, but shame becomes sexualized. Shame, a sense of transgression, becomes a necessary part of a peak sexual experience. (I suspect that this is one of the reasons that porn is so increasingly obsessed with power and degradation.)

Let me suggest that sex, with the specific example of wankery, can be great without shame. In my life I have talked about sex and masturbation enough, masturbated in front of lovers, friends, strangers, men, women, couples, groups; had sex with a man, a woman, men, women, men and women, couples, had sex in front of friends, strangers, lovers... and you know what? I'm just not generally that shy about it any more, nor do I ordinarily suffer from shame. And my pleasure, the thrill, the fun, are different, but not at all diminished.

Has anything been lost? Maybe. There are certain activities that I used to find exciting that I find less so now. I used to get a buzz just from going into a dirty bookstore or a porno theater, because they seemed so wicked, shameful, illicit... such seedy dens of iniquity. Now when I find myself in such a place, it's to look for something I want or need; I expect to be able to flirt with the other wankers, or have a friendly exchange with the person behind the counter like I would anywhere. I'd rather the other customers not be hunched, avoiding eye contact, embarassed to have sex drives and an onanistic life.

Getting past shame, or getting past the need for shame, opens more doors than it closes. More and better sex become possible, because finally shame is a source of inhibition. It is the constant association of sex with shame that makes us think that the one requires the other, when it really doesn't.

My request and suggestion: Try sex without shame. Don't let hostile gonzo porn dominate your collection. Imagine that cocks are beautiful and friendly, and that nice, sober women see them with pleasure. Imagine that an erection is not a weapon, a threat, or a demand, but rather an organ of passion and caresses. That semen is not nasty, but a healthy, beautiful extension of a man's sexual body. That decent people love to be covered with one another's juices, without any of the excitement coming from degradation. That socially responsible, loving men look at sexy pictures and get erections and masturbate, and there is no hypocrisy or contradiction. That socially responsible, loving, reliable women can have vast sexual needs and desires without it being a secret life. Try thinking of sluttiness (male or female) as an entirely positive quality, compatible with real love, a family life, career as a doctor or teacher, a respected position in a community.

I'm not denying the power of shame. By all means, let's keep in around, in the prop closet, on the spice rack. But I encourage us all to appreciate the levels of experimentation, kink, sluttiness, and imagination that are possible without shame or transgression of any kind.

Try this: Masturbation is beautiful.